Secluded Nightmare

I learned the meaning of your tears
I've taken a step toward my destination
But I don't want to hurt anyone.
Today the wind that blows over the ocean
Once again heads unhesitatingly toward tomorrow
So why cant my heart begin to move?

BLOOD+ opening theme

            Akito was used to the nightmares. So much so that when she found herself surrounded by a darkness that threatened to consume her very being she was not afraid. Akito knew how these nightmares worked now and after so many years she managed to almost perfect the art of keeping calm within this fictional world. It was not the darkness that was frightening, nor the feeling of emptiness. It was not the heavy air that was hard to breath, the cold ground beneath her feet or even the feeling of not knowing what was out there. She knew that it was what could be out there that was frightening.

            "Who is going to jump out this time?" she asked out loud, folding her arms tightly across her chest. The list of people who could be lingering in this fictional world was endless. Even if they were only images of the true people real people, they never failed to frighten Akito. Something seemed a little different about this darkness though. Taking a step forward, her bare feet found smooth ground as cold as ice. Somehow, this darkness did not seem as empty as usual. In fact, Akito was almost certain she was not alone. A knot began to form in her stomach as she continued.

            She could not figure out who was with her.

            Normally, she could make out, to a degree, who was with her in her nightmares. If it were She the very presence of Her being so close would make everything taste bitter. If it were Akira this would not be a nightmare and from the feeling in her stomach it was going to be. It did not feel like any of the jyuunishi she was more “acquainted” with than others. Rin perhaps? Or maybe Ayame or one of the other jyuunishis’ presences she found irritating. No, that's not it. Who is here? She asked herself.         

            Carefully, Akito carefully began to walk blindly through the darkness, closer to what seemed to be this person who was with her. Whether or not this was the intelligent thing to do did not phase her at the moment. After all, it was only a nightmare, and even if she did wake up in a cold sweat the images of people that appeared before her could never touch her. Knowing this, after being consoled many times as a child that dreams were not real, made her much more daring; it made it possible for her to face her nightmares. In the distance, she could make out the outlines of people, a large group of people. Narrowing her eyes, she closed in on them. Instantly, she knew who all of these people were.

            They were her clan members.

            She was sure it was all of them standing there, all twelve of her jyuunishi and some other outside clan members like Sohma Kazuma. There was a woman with short brown hair that Akito did not recognize among them and that girl, that girl that everyone seemed so taken with, Honda Tohru. As she closed in on them, she found them were all standing in a circle, looking down at something. They did not seem to even realize that she was coming. This is my nightmare, why are they ignoring me? She asked herself as she closed in on them. Inaudible words began to rise from the group, words she could not understand despite being so close. They still did not acknowledge despite that she was standing directly behind Hatori. Pushing him aside gently, she finally got a glimpse at who was sharing her nightmare, whose presence she could not recognize.

            There, in the center of the circle, resting on his knees with his head hanging, was Kyou. His hands were clamped tightly over his ears, his eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw clenched tight. He looked like he was in pain. Quite suddenly, she could understand the words all of those she knew around her were muttering. “Monster.” they were saying, “Who could ever love you, monster?”, “You killed your mother you monster”, “You’re going to die alone like the monster you are.”

            Honda Tohru, the one Kyou claimed cared about him despite his curse, moved forward in the crowd. She knelt down in front of him. With her thin fingers, she tilted his chin up. Kyou’s deep brown eyes opened and he looked up at her, his expression suddenly relaxed. She, however, was not smiling at him. The look in the girl’s eyes reminded Akito strangely of when Ren would raise her hopes and then crush them with sickening amusement. The Cat opened his mouth to say something to her, but she silenced him.

            “You are going to die alone, I will never stand by the side of a monster. I would never stand by the side of someone who let’s a person die in front of their eyes. I could never care about a coward, a monster. It was all an act because I pitied you, but not now. I will not even care about you.” Her words seemed to hit Kyou like a punch to the face. He seemed to crumble before her as she stood and turned her back on him. His head hung, strands of orange hair hiding his eyes. The people around her turned their backs on him, all walking away, leaving the two of them alone. Akito watched the boy before her for a moment. His shoulder hung, he looked like he was broken.

            Kyou looked up and saw her standing there, his eyes seemed to go wide. Those eyes... She said to herself silently as she stared back at the terrorfied thing before her. I’ve never seen his eyes like that before... They were soft and fragile, as if she looked at him hard enough everything behind them would crumble. They seemed to draw her in and hold her tight and, for a moment, she thought she felt his fear, his pain, and the sense of helplessness that only the Cat could posess. For what seemed like only a moment...she pitied him.

            “Akito?” He asked softly, his voice reflecting the instability in his eyes, “Akito, what are you doing in my nightmare?” She blinked and could only stare at him.

            “What are you talking about?” She snapped. “This is my nightmare, I don’t know why I’m dreaming about a monster like you.” The eyes she could not look away from seemed to break a little more. If there was ever a time to be nice to a figment of her imagination, it was now. Kyou shook his head and continued to hold her gaze.

            “No...this is my nightmare, this is the same nightmare I’ve had every day for the past week and you have never been here. Why are you in my nightmare, Akito?” He asked again. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes then; it did look like he has not slept in a week. Those eyes... She could not look away from him, something in his eyes, something about the pain and aguish they held, had her completely captivated.

            “Stop looking at me like that.” Akito whispered, taking a step back. She could hesitate here, show weakness if need be, he was not the real Cat, only an image in her mind. “I said stop looking at me like that!” She screamed.

**~**

            The morning sun was obnoxiously bright as Akito snapped awake from the latest nightmare. Vaguely, her head felt heavy before the feeling passed. Blinking a few times, she sat up in bed, her breathing still a little panicked. She could feel sweat dripping down her back and she silently cursed herself for letting such a pathetic nightmare scare her to such a degree. Now she needed to calm herself down before Kureno woke up and started asking questions.

            “Akito?” She sighed heavily, evidently it was too late to prevent that. “Did you have another nightmare?” The man beside her asked. Akito glanced over her shoulder at Kureno. He lay on his side, dark eyes half open, brown hair messy against the white of the pillowcase. The first three buttons of his shirt were open revealing a glimpse of his pale chest. She rolled her eyes at him.

            “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” she snapped, folding her arms across her chest. The last thing she needed was someone finding out she had a dream about the Cat. What would be even worse is if they found out that she pitied him, if only for a moment. If she was not looking down on him then no one else would.

            “All right.” Kureno said, dropping the matter. He rolled out of bed and began to dress himself silently. Akito glanced over and watched him change out of the corner of her eye. He probably felt her eyes on him, but he did not seem to mind nor care about the attention. Yet even as she watched her bird change, the image of Kyou’s eyes refused to leave her mind. It was irritating and there was little she could do about it. She stood and settled down by the windowsill, looking out into the garden, hoping something would happen that would take that damned image out of her mind.

**~**

            “Where is Kyou-kun?” Tohru asked as she laid out the food. “It’s not like him to be so late for breakfast.” Yuki was also surprised by his cousin’s tardiness, when it came to anything that concerned Tohru he always seemed to be more than ready.

            “Oh, he’s probably still asleep.” Shigure commented as he began to eat his breakfast, “Tohru, food is excellent as always.” She beamed back at him, a large smile across her face.

            “Maybe I should go and get, Kyou-kun.” she commented, looking toward the stairs. Yuki, who had finished his own breakfast, pushed himself to his feet.

            “You haven’t eaten yet Tohru, you stay here and I’ll go get the lazy cat.” She smiled at him and began to eat as Yuki made his way from the room, slightly reluctant to leave Shigure alone with Tohru. If anything happened, he could always blame Kyou since he was the one who could not get up on time. Making his way up the stairs, Yuki pushed the door to Kyou’s room open and looked in. His cousin lay in a mess of sheets and covers, his pillow discarded onto the floor. His arm lay across his eyes and he could see a painful expression across his face. A line of sweat on his forehead glistened into the morning sunlight that poured into the room. Picking the pillow up the from the ground, Yuki walked over and stood over his cousin for a moment before dropping the pillow directly onto his face. The rude awakening did the trick and Kyou was sitting up in a panic within seconds. He blinked a few times before he managed to focus on Yuki.

            “What the hell kind of way was that to wake someone up you damned rat?” he exclaimed, obviously awake enough to fight. Yuki could only sigh.

            “You’re late; Tohru already has breakfast ready for you and if you don’t get up it’s going to get cold.” he stated, turning to leave. Kyou watched his cousin leave with a hard gaze before fall back on the bed. What a nightmare...I’ve had it before, but Akito’s never shown up before. I feel like I didn’t sleep at all last night. Struggling to sit up, he wiped the sleep from his eyes, and began to get ready for another day at school.

**~**

            Kyou was at his breaking point. After a full week of nightmares that continued to make him increasingly tired he was sure he was going to snap entirely. Everyone was seeing the way the lack of sleep was beginning to get to him. When he did not argue with Yuki for a full day people began to ask questions, especially Tohru, who seemed just as worried about him as she always was. As they made their way home, he found himself yawning every few minutes or so. It was a hard thing to avoid, he felt as if he could collapse right then and there.

            “Kyou-kun? Are you sick?” Tohru asked, looking at him. He shook his head.

            “No, just tired.” he replied, simply. She did not look satisfied with that answer.

            “You’ve been saying that every day for the past week, are you not sleeping well?”

            “It’s nothing, Tohru.” he replied, placing a hand on the top of her head, “Nothing for you to worry about.”

            “But--”

            “I said don’t worry about it.” he interrupted. Tohru did not look convinced, but she dropped the subject. Kyou knew he needed some help and there was really only one person he wanted to discuss this with.

            As soon as he walked in the door, Kyou stole the phone from Shigure and found a quiet place to talk. The last thing he needed was for everyone to know he was going to someone else for help. Dialing the number carefully, Kyou waited as the phone rang, hoping no one he did not want to talk to would pick up.

            “Hello?” Hatori’s familiar voice asked over the phone. Kyou felt a sigh of relief flow through his entire body. He was calling the main house after all.

            “Hatori, hi, it’s Kyou.” he said simply.

            “Oh, Kyou, is something wrong?” the doctor asked, getting straight to the point as always.

            “Well, kind of. I was wondering if you could help me.” the teenager explained.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “Well, I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. It’s gotten so bad that I feel like I haven’t slept in a week, maybe longer, and I was wondering if you could get me some medication or something to help me sleep.” Hatori fell silent on the other end of the phone.

            “I might have something I could give you, but I’m busy today, I can’t make it to Shigure’s house to give it to you. Can it wait until tomorrow?” he asked.

            “No.” Kyou said instantly, “I need to sleep tonight, if I don’t get some sleep I swear I’m going to lose my mind,”

            “I guess you’ll have to come here...” Hatori replied, trailing off. He had to go to the main house.

            “I can do that. I’ll be in and out really quick, no one will need to know.” he replied.

            “Be here in an hour.” With that Hatori hung up without so much of a goodbye. Clicking the button, Kyou breathed a sigh of relief. He was more than willing to risk being seen by Akito if it meant a decent night’s sleep.

**~**

            Akito was quite bored. It was too hot to be outside and the very presence of everyone in the house was irritating her today. She even sent Kureno away early, something about being around anyone was just making her nerves grind. Now she was all alone, staring out into the garden. Part of her wanted to crawl back into bed. The dream she had last night with the Cat seemed to have left her feeling even more tired than usual. She silently wanted to talk to someone about this dream, but she knew better and simply kept it to herself. Things would be better off that way. Through the summer trees, something caught her eye. Something that was very out of place amongst the green of the trees. Opening the door leading outside, she glanced around until she saw it, moving among the trees like the creature he was.

            It was Kyou.

            He glanced over his shoulder once before creeping along the trees of the garden, obviously trying not to be spotted. Her eyes followed him, wide with shock that he would come to the main house uninvited and would have the nerve to sneak around like he was. He froze after a moment and looked over at her, their eyes meeting. His were wide with fear and surprise, no doubt with seeing her there and knowing he was caught. Carefully, she gestured for him to come over to her. He hesitated, but carefully walked through the garden over to her, keeping his head hanging low.

            “We’re going inside.” she stated firmly, walking back into the cool room. He said nothing as he stepped into the house and took off his shoes. “Close the door behind you.” He did as he was told. Staying near the door, he sat down with his legs tucked underneath him. Akito turned and looked at him. His orange hair was hanging in front of his eyes, masking them and most of his face. He looked like he was hiding. “What do you think you’re doing here?” She asked him, turning and facing him.

            “I just came to pick something up from Hatori.” he stated in a flat tone, without looking up at her.

            “Oh really? And you think you can just come in here without being invited? You know you aren’t welcome.” She replied, her voice much harsher than she originally intended.

            “Yes, I know I’m not.” There was some bitterness in his voice now, “I was planning on getting what I needed and leaving. In fact...” he stood, the sudden movement surprising her. “I’ll just do that.” he turned his back to her to leave. Akito was infuriated by this sudden disrespect. She snatched his arm and pulled him back from the door. She pulled back to slap him, but something happened that was she not expecting at all: He snatched her wrist and held in still.

            “Why you...!” She stammered, going to slap him with her other hand but snatched that one as well. She could feel the anger pumping through her veins, burning like fire. She struggled to break her wrists free of his grasp, getting angrier and angrier by the moment.

**~**

            It was not until after he realized what he’d done that Kyou realized what a stupid thing it was to defy Akito like that. He knew was he could to do to him and that with a simple word he could he locked up or worse. So when he saw his clan leader fighting to get out of his grasp, anger in his eyes, he knew now was the best time to just lay back and accept the punishment he was going to receieve. He knew he was simply acting on impulse and his shortness with Akito’s normal bullshit was most likely due to his lack of sleep. He also blamed his own rashness for coming there in the first place, not being able to wait a mere twelve hours for Hatori to come over with the medication. Angry more at himself than anything, he released his god and let him do as he wished.

            First there was a hard slap to the right cheek. Akito screamed something about being disrespectful and if Kazuma was raising him to be a person or an animal. Then another slap, this time to the left cheek. He half heard him screaming about the fact that he was a monster and that he was not wanted anywhere near that main house. Slap after slap, hit after hit, Kyou simply took the abuse like the good little monster he knew he was. One blow was surprisingly hard and knocked him off his feet. Stumbling a few times and snapping back to reality, he found himself lying on his back. Akito was sitting on his torso and holding his wrists down next to his head, eyes with anger. Kyou knew it would not take a lot to get his god off of him, but he did not want to be hit again. The throbbing in his lower lip told him he might have a fat lip to explain to everyone later.

            However, as the two of them sat there, something did not seem right. It was not the first time someone had him pinned down, certainly not the first time by a man, and many of them like to have him in this position, a degrading thing, but something was off. It was not Akito’s light weight or the fact that he was hardly cutting off his wind at all, it was something else. That’s when it hit him. It was not that something was off.

            It was something that was not there.

            The realization must have shown in his eyes because the next thing he knew Akito was off of him and scrambling away, looking equally surprised. He lay still on the ground for a moment before sitting up and leaning against a wall.

            “Maybe...I should go...” he stammered.

            “You’re not going anywhere.” Akito stated in a dark voice. Kyou knew he was in trouble now, he had found out one of the big secrets of the family. His god was actually a goddess. An awkward silence followed. He wanted to ask questions, he wanted to know more about this, but knew better. “What did you need to get from Hatori?” She suddenly asked. Kyou looked up.

            “Sleep medication, I’ve been having this nightmare lately and it leaves me feeling really tired.” he replied carefully. That seemed to get her attention.

            “ A nightmare? Where you are sitting in the middle of a crowd and they’re all telling you that you’re a monster and that girl rejects you?” she asked him a little too quickly. Kyou felt his eyes go wide.

            “How did you...? You were there, in my dream, the other night, you were there and you saw the entire thing.”

            “Don’t remind me, the last thing I need is to be dreaming about you and your issues.” she snapped. Kyou looked down and silently wished Akito would just let him leave.

**~**

            She turned and saw him sitting there, legs drawn up, arms resting on his knees. He looked pitiful, sitting there like that, but through his hair she could see his eyes and that was what grabbed her attention. They were just like in her dream, in their dream, and she could not look away from them.

            “Akito...I promise I won’t say anything to anyone about you...but I’d like to go now...” he trailed off. Turning, she knelt down in front of him. He looked up at her and his eyes held more than she could name. He was lonely, afraid and hurting. There were dark circles under those eyes and he looked like was ready to give up on everything entirely.

            “You’re lonely...” she whispered, touching his cheek with the palm of her hand. His winced slightly and she saw a bruise forming on his cheek. “You’re ready to give up on life entirely, aren’t you? You’ve thought about ending it...” He seemed stunned to even have her there, he could only nod slightly. Akito was unsure what she was doing as well, she could not look away from those eyes, the eyes that seemed like a reflection of her own. Using one hand, she moved his arms from his legs and pushed down on his knees so they were straight. She leaned in close to him, putting her hands to the back of his neck. She could feel his pain, so much of this pain caused by her, and at that moment she wanted nothing more than to make it up to him.

            “I thought you found me disgusting...” he whispered in a heavy voice.

            “I do...but right now, that look in your eyes, it makes me want to ease some of your pain instead of cause it.” she replied leaning in close to him.

            “I don’t understand...”

            “Maybe because I saw your pain in the nightmare, the loneliness, the fear, and I can relate to it. The feeling that you wish you were never born, that the world would be a better place without you. Now stop asking questions...” she leaned in close and gently kissed his mouth. It was nothing like she expected of him. When she kissed him, she expected to feel disgusting, that perhaps he would even taste disgusting, but instead he was sweet, like a forbidden fruit she was never allowed to taste until now. The look in his eyes told her he felt the same way, but was unable to react to her. Instead, she kissed him again, straddling his sitting waist, her body close to his. He was a jyuunishi even if he was the Cat and he deserved some of the affection she gave to the others willingly. Her kiss was longer, harder this time and he closed his eyes. His hands made no move for her, he seemed afraid to move. She broke the kiss and stood so she was looking down on him. His eyes slowly looked up at her and she found herself unable to look away again.

            “What is it with your eyes that I find so captivating, Kyou?” She asked him. He looked stunned,

            “You...called me Kyou...” he whispered.

            “Perhaps it is the pain I see behind them.” she said answering her own question and ignoring him. “And maybe because I’m responsible for most of that pain. You may be the Cat, but I have am still the god and I am supposed to take care of all of my jyuunishi, even the ones who don’t deserve it.” She offered him her hand. “Take it, I’m only offering it this one time.” Kyou stared at her hand and hesitated, as if he was afraid if he touched her the hand would vanish like a dream. His hand clasped hers and she struggled to pull him to his feet, forgetting for a moment how much stronger he was than her. When they finally stood, hands clasped, Akito pulled him into the other room. Without warning, she turned and violently pushed him backward onto the bed.

            “Akito what...” he breathed as she climbed over him.

            “You’ve never been with anyone. No one can be nor wants to be with you and that haunts you, it makes you hurt. I’m supposed to be your god and take care of you. Right now, I’m here to ease your pain.” Those eyes...those eyes won’t let me do anything to bring him down right now. They won’t let me hurt him, they are screaming for some sort of relief and I want to bring him some... Part of her mind told her this was wrong and that she was willing laying her hands on the Cat of all people. Yet another part of her mind told her to look into those eyes and to forget that. Akito kissed each of his bruised cheeks before moving to his jaw line. He gasped slightly when she found his neck and began to pull his shirt off. As she removed the material, she found a perfectly formed pale chest. Light muscles lined his skin from his training though he managed to keep it to a point that he still looked normal. Moving her hands to his bare rib cage, she kissed his collarbone before digging her nails into his ribs.

            Kyou hissed in a mixture of plain, pleasure and surprise. Akito knew this was all new to him, that no one had ever touched him like this before. As she kissed him, she looked into his eyes and saw something new, a tiny glimmer of happiness.

            He seemed unsure how to react to her. His hands remained at his sides as she kissed him, scratched him, drew blood all along his chest. She was sure he was confused as why she was going about it this way, but she was also sure that he was overjoyed to have some sort of acceptance from her. She Akito moved away from his chest and moved so she was hovering over him. Neither of them said a word, she simply leaned down and kissed him again, softly, much like a lover would. Pulling away and looking into his eyes, she whispered.

            “Go to sleep, Kyou, go to sleep.” And like a good boy, she saw his eyes grow heavy as she moved off of him. Tiny droplets of blood oozed from the scratches and bites that lined his chest. She stared at him for a long time before turning her back on him and finding a phone. She dialed the familiar number and waited for him to pick up.

            “Hatori, I need you to come take care of something.”

**~**

            Hatori did not ask any questions as to why Kyou was in her bed half naked and looking like someone had just beat him up. By the time he got there, the teenager had two purple bruises on each cheek and a swelling lip along with lots of scratches that lined his chest. He simply picked the teenager up and brought him to a guest room down the hall.

            “Erase it all.” She stated simply. The doctor looked up at her as covered some of the deeper cuts. “Make him forget the last few hours, forget even when he came over here in the first place.” She paused as she looked at him sleeping. “Let him sleep though, give him something that will let him sleep for a day or so.”

            “Of course Akito.” he said, placing a needle in Kyou’s arm. Using him in a half concious form, the doctor carefully erased the teenagers memories. Akito stood nearby, watching silently, as the boy slept soundly afterwards. She watched him even after Hatori left and told her that he would sleep until tomorrow morning and he was going to notify Shigure. It was not until Kureno came and told her that she should sleep that she left the doorway, unable to understand exactly what she was feeling. She both despised and cared for the Cat, she wanted to lock him away from everyone so only she could have him. He was hers, just like the rest of them, and he was hers to do with as she pleased.

            She did not dream of anyone that night.

**~**

            Hatori was there when Kyou awoke the next morning. He glanced around the guestroom, obviously confused as to why he was there.

            “Hatori? What am I doing here?” he asked, rubbing his head, “I thought I just came over to get some sleep medications.” The doctor glanced over at Kyou and gave him a small smile.

            “You did, but you were jumped on the way here so I put you to bed for the night, you needed the extra sleep anyway.” he replied.

            “Jumped?” the teenager asked, looking a little confused. Hatori nodded. He seemed to think on this for a little while before turning slightly pale. “Does Akito know I’m here?” he asked, sounding a little frantic.

            “Yes, I do.” Akito stated, standing in the doorway, his arm crossed. Kyou felt a knot form in his stomach.

            “Next time I’ll tell the security to leave you out there on the sidwalk.” he snapped before turning to leave. Kyou breathed a sigh of relief and frustration.

            “He’s always going to hate me...” he muttered, crawling off of the bed.

            “The pills are in your jacket, take one a night.” Hatori explained simply, not responding to Kyou’s comment. “Be careful on your way home.” He slipped on his shoes and smiled slightly to the doctor.

            “I will be, thanks again Hatori.” Kyou turned and left the room. The doctor gathered his things and walked down the hall, knocking lightly on Akito’s door before opening it. She turned and glanced at him over her shoulder. Neither of them said a word before Hatori closed the doctor quietly.

**~**

            Kyou dreamed that night, but it was a different dream. He was alone this time and it felt as if all of his emotions were crashing in on him, crushing him. Just when he felt like he could not take another moment, he saw someone near by, watching him suffer. He could not make out who this person was, but they felt familiar, safe even, and it felt as if they cared about him. He reached for them, silently begging for them to take his hand, but they made no move for him. Again, Kyou reached for them, desperately begging for them to help him, but instead they turned away and left him, they turned and walked away from him. Kyou felt his heart grow heavy as he crawled into a tiny ball and hugged himself.

**~**

            Akito watched as Kyou reached for her, his eyes telling her a different story now. He had felt her compassion and now he longed for it always, he wanted the acceptance that he felt that moment between them. The look in his eyes told her that he did not know who she was. His hand was within her reach, yet she took a step back. She did not reach for him, she made no move for him. He was not hers to care of, this was his nightmare and his alone. He did not and would not remember that, even for a moment, she took pity on him, and that was the way it would stay. She would forever be an blackened image in his subconscious, the one who cared and pitied him for a day.

             Turning her back to him, she left him there, alone, within his own nightmare.

What destiny awaits me?

I don’t want to regret being born

There is courage with my sadness

I believe I can grab that sparkle

Tears pour down from a clear blue sky

Someday they'll change into a smile

BLOOD+ opening theme

~02/11/06

Lovingly dedicated to Flamika for being my beta-er for so many years. Sorry this is so late!