The Full Scale Of The Talking Problem

It is, of course, well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated." - Douglas Adams

1. Hurt

To say that the last several months (or weeks, the concept of time was already becoming a somewhat nebulous thing) were stressful for Nile might be the understatement of the next century. All of it seemed to fall apart in a rather spectacular way, and despite what the others said about the rest of their lives being very boring, right now, Nile was very done with drama. She had lost everything in life that she thought she knew; she deserved the time to relax and get her shit together.

It turned out that the universe wasn't quite done fucking with them after the Merrick thing. Nile had a feeling that things with that were a lot more wrapped up than everyone was telling her. It would be a mistake to leave the doctor, Kozak, alive, yet no one mentioned her. Nile wasn't stupid, and the most obvious answer was that she was no longer alive and thus no longer a threat.

The lingering threat turned out to be Quynh and all of the rage and insanity she brought to the surface. When the dreams stopped, Nile had no idea what to say to anyone. She imagined that they were going to be extremely conflicted knowing that Quynh was at peace now, but that she lost her immortality and died the final time in pain. Nicky and Joe looked gutted, and they hadn't even figured out how to tell Andy that she was gone when it turned out that she wasn't. Andy was thrilled, Nicky looked like he had swallowed a lemon, Joe was twitchy in a way she hadn't seen before, even in the short time she had known him, and Booker was attempting to become one with the walls.

It didn't take long for Nicky and Joe to bail on them completely, but Nile found that she didn't mind too much. They had all been through hell, but she only had the bare bones information about what they had gone through in that lab. There were pieces of them in sample jars, and if she thought about that too much, she might be sick. If she thought about Quynh poisoning Nicky and Joe and threatening to take centuries' worth of anger out on them, Nile thought she might break something.

While Quynh could still heal, there were plenty of other ways to break people, and now was the time to try and protect everyone from the obvious threat right under their roof. It was hard to find a time when Andy and Quynh weren't connected at the hip, but she managed. Booker was still keeping his distance, so it was just the two of them.

"We need to talk about something," Nile said, and she made sure that was a definitive statement that couldn't be argued with.

"Oh? And what would that be?" Quynh asked, she sounded amused, which tested Nile's already frayed nerves even more.

"I'm not going to let you hurt any of them," Nile said. Whatever Quynh thought she was going to say, it clearly wasn't that. "I know what you did to Nicky and Joe. I know you threatened to take all of your anger out on them. I know all about this little forgiveness arrangement you all have, where you're essentially pausing your need for some physical retribution until Andy passes away. I want you to know I'm not going to let you hurt them, any of them, ever again."

"You sweet child," Quynh said, her voice sickenly sweet, and that "pit viper" description was becoming apparent. "What makes you think you can stop me?"

"That's the wrong answer," Nile snapped, and once again, Quynh was thrown off because this wasn't where the conversation was going to go. "I'm not getting into some fighting skills pissing match with you. The correct answer to me saying I'm not going to allow you to hurt them is, 'Don't worry, I won't hurt them.'"

"You know nothing of what I suffered because they failed to find me." There was the madness, the derangement that Nile had felt on the ocean floor.

"I'm not getting into a trauma competition with you either," Nile replied, once again refusing to take the conversational bait that Quynh was laying out. "I hope we don't have to have this conversation in several decades after we lose Andy." Quynh was clenching her fists so tightly Nile knew she was drawing blood, but then Andy came in, and it was like the bubble popped. Quynh glanced at Nile, narrowed her eyes, visibly pulled herself together, and walked over to Andy, who appeared none the wiser.

2. Ideation

When Andy realized that her wounds weren't healing, she wanted to sit down and laugh. The timing could not possibly be worse, and it was like the universe wanted to get one more kick to remind her that things were a mess. So many decades, centuries even, when they were all safe and nothing bad was happening. Then someone takes her boys, her little brothers, and her wounds stop healing. Nicky and Joe needed her; she refused to leave them in the hands of some maniac, but she was also terrified that one wrong move and she'd be dead.

The wrong move turned out to be friendly fire, something they all used to shrug off. Nicky and Joe didn't kill during sparring sessions anymore, not on purpose anyway, but things were different when she fought with Booker. If the boys were off doing something else, neither of them would hold back, and the fight would often end with one or both of them gasping back to life. They didn't talk about it, they didn't say what their intentions were with deliberately taking each other's lives; it just became one of her unspoken things that stayed between her and Booker.

So, of course, he was the one who shot her, thinking all would be fine because every other time, it was. Then he looked down and realized, with this slow-moving sense of horror, that she wasn't healing. Andy knew he wanted to freak out, but he put them in a position where they weren't given the chance to freak out, and the pain was too much right now.

Merrick's lab brought back memories that Andy didn't want to revisit. She remembered being in that lab with the German scientist after World War II, and the justification they were using to cut pieces off of them. He knew Nicky and Joe were together, and he focused on them because they needed to be punished, and it enraged her. The thought that they were going through that again, that they went through it again, was almost enough to dull the pain.

Then Nile arrived like some sort of avenging god from the old days and saved them all. Andy knew she still wasn't healing, but everyone was safe, and that was all that mattered. Booker was being sent away, and Andy knew she wouldn't ever see him again. Joe might waver on whether or not Booker could come back, but Nicky's rage burned quietly and deep. She knew that he wouldn't ever forgive Booker for putting their family in danger. When she figured out that Nicky and Joe had killed the doctor who had tortured them, Andy wanted to smack them both while also coming to terms with the fact that they were probably safer without her.

When they turned up at the safehouse with not only Booker in tow but Quynh, Andy thought she had finally gone insane after all of these long years. It was her and Andy who held on so tight that she was sure bones were going to break. Quynh admitted to hurting the boys, the little brothers she once so fiercely protected, and it broke Andy's heart. They needed space, and when they said they were leaving, Andy let them and just hoped they would be back soon.

Quynh was asleep, and Andy was a little crazy watching her sleep. So she walked out into the living room and found Booker drinking there. He was still downing alcohol like it had the answer to all of the questions he didn't want to ask.

"Don't decapitate me for saying this, boss, but you need to watch how much you drink now," Booker said. Andy kicked him under the table.

"Yeah, I know, I'll be careful," Andy replied. She did try to slow down, but it was a hard habit to break, and she was pretty drunk before she knew it. That was the excuse Andy would use when Nile walked into the room, scared the shit out of her.

"Up drinking again?" Nile asked as she sat down. 

"Yeah, I figured, why change the routine now?" Booker said as he raised his glass in a toast. Andy thought that was funny, but Nile looked deeply unimpressed. 

"We need to talk about you two," she said in a tone that seemed to say that this was a conversation neither of them was getting out of. "I spoke to Nicky and Joe, I listened when you told me about the past, and I need to know if your suicidal ideation is going to be a problem going forward."

"Our what?" Andy asked, entirely baffled by the mere concept. 

"Suicidal ideation, my brother had it, it's where you think about death and suicide as a concept all the time. I guess you two are well beyond ideation if what Nicky and Joe said about your sparring routines is anything to go by," Nile replied.

"What could they possibly know about that?" Booker snapped, and for the first time since Merrick, he sounded angry and defensive. 

"I think you've both spent the last several decades killing each other and secretly hoping that you aren't going to wake up. You were looking for a way out, and the way out for us is getting killed or killing ourselves." Nile folded her hands on the table and released a slow breath. "I just need to know if it's going to be a problem for either of you, so I can either learn to deal with it or figure out some way to help, because I can't do what Nicky and Joe did, I can't turn a blind eye to that, not when I know so many soldiers who took their own lives. So I have to know: is this going to be a problem?"

"No," Andy whispered. "I wish I could get it back, which is something I never thought I'd say, but I got Quynh back, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I'm not going anywhere, either by others or my own hand." Nile nodded like that was the answer she expected, and they both turned their attention to Booker. 

"I don't know, I can't remember a time in this life where I didn't want to die," he said.

"Okay," Nile replied. "When you figure it out, let me know, but don't goad one of us into killing you until then." Booker was staring at Nile like he couldn't believe she existed, which was fair, but she got up and left the two of them sitting in the living room with their drinks, without another word. 

Andy suddenly felt a lot more sober than she had a little while ago and looked at Booker. It felt like yet another way she failed him that she was so lost in her grief that she might have inadvertently helped drag him down, too. Andy knew Booker wouldn't have anything else to say, but they both stayed in the living room until morning, drinks abandoned, until Quynh and Nile joined them for breakfast.

3. Fear

When Quynh appeared in his apartment, alive and not exactly well, Booker didn't know what to do with himself. It was strange to meet her because in some ways, he felt like he might know her better than any of the others. They'd been sharing dreams for centuries now, and he saw the worst moments of her life over and over again. They were connected in a fundamental way that he wasn't sure any of the others could understand. While it took Andy and Quynh a long time to find each other, the same was true for finding Nicky and Joe; the death wasn't constant and all-consuming. This was different; she was different, and the way she was looking at him was not the woman that Andy had described over many drunken nights.

It turned out that Quynh was not exactly thrilled with him either. She knew about the betrayal and selling everyone out to Merrick, and considering what she just escaped, the idea that Booker almost got her entire family locked up in a cell to be tortured didn't go over well. Quynh gave him the physical punishment that none of the others seemed to have the stomach for. Booker took it because, deep down, he felt he deserved the pain. However, Quynh's rage toward Andy, Nicky, and Joe burned bright, and no matter how much he tried to convince her that he was the one she should focus on, she went after them. Booker agonized over whether it was the right or wrong decision to tell her that Andy wasn't healing, because those details didn't get through their dreams, and it was clear Quynh didn't know. 

In the end, Booker was a coward, and he didn't tell her. He left that to Nicky and Joe, as they laid out their immortal necks and asked Quynh to take her centuries of anger out on them, but to forgive Andy, because Andy only had so much time left. Booker still wasn't sure how he was allowed to return, but Quynh was the one who advocated for it, and while Joe seemed okay with it, Nicky looked like he wanted to throw Booker into a deep grave and leave him there so he could think about what he'd done.

Nicky and Joe left. Nile proceeded to inform Booker and Andy that they had been trying to commit suicide for the last several decades, and they needed to knock that shit off, and now everyone was back together again. However, Booker didn't feel any more secure than he did and still wanted to blend into the background as much as possible. The tension was still hanging in the entire house, and he didn't want to deal with it. 

It was the middle of the night, and Booker was making his way into the kitchen following, ironically, a nightmare about Quynh, when he realized he wasn't alone. Nicky was in the living room, also alone, drinking what appeared to be tea in front of a small fire. Booker didn't want to go back to his room, but of everyone in the house, Nicky was the angriest at him, so being in here wasn't appealing either. 

"Either sit or leave, Sebastien, but make a decision," Nicky said without turning around.

"I'll sit," Booker replied as he settled down in the living room. The silence wasn't exactly comfortable, but it wasn't nearly as oppressive as he expected. 

"You said we couldn't possibly understand what you were going through," Nicky said, and he still hadn't looked away from the fire. "In the lab, when you were trying to justify your actions, you said that Joe and I always had each other, so we could never understand the depths of the grief and loneliness you and Andy had suffered throughout the years, and that's why you turned us in to be tested on." 

"I'm not trying to justify what I did, Nicky, but we have experienced this differently, and you can't deny that. You had Joe, that makes all the difference in the world," Booker replied. 

"Yes, I do have Joe, and it does make all the difference in the world." There was something in Nicky's tone that made Booker sit up a little straighter, and he couldn't look away when Nicky finally met his gaze. "Do you know what Joe and I carry that you could never understand, Sebastien? Fear. We did not know at the beginning that immortality could be taken away; we learned that later, and from that moment, the absolute terror that sank into my bones every time I saw the light leave his eyes, wondering if this was going to be the moment he didn't come back. Having to live and fight as if each of our wounds will heal while sitting with the sickening knowledge that I might lose him. We might not have lost a loved one, Sebastien, but what you believe Joe and I lack in grief, we make up with persistent existential terror." 

Booker had no idea what he was supposed to say to that because he hadn't considered the idea that while being immortal with your soulmate would make nights a lot less lonely, it would make the looming possibility of their healing going away much more frightening. Booker didn't care if it ended because he'd be leaving people that cared about him deeply, but not a partner, a lover, a better half. 

"Nicolo, I--" 

"Please, do not," Nicky said, cutting him off as he stood up. "I've heard your apologies, and telling me you didn't know right now changes nothing for either of us. I just need you to know that the implication that Joe and I were living life on easy street or something that effect was infuriating." There was the sound of a door opening, and they both turned to see a half-asleep Joe stumble out into the living room. As soon as he saw who was in the room, he appeared to become a lot more awake. 

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm coming back to bed now. I just needed a little time, and Sebastien needed some too, so he joined me," Nicky replied. It was rather incredible how quickly Nicky managed to pull back all his emotions and settle into the calm, almost zen person they were all familiar with. Joe didn't look like he entirely believed him, but it must have been enough because the two of them walked out of the room mumbling 'good nights.' Booker finished his drink, curled up in an armchair, and slept in the living room.  

4. Proxy

There were many aspects of the modern world that Quynh didn't understand. Or that she didn't understand yet. She didn't survive the ocean only to be crushed under the weight of modernity. When the coffin finally came apart after the ocean's salt eroded it, the swim to the surface was painful. It felt like her ears were going to explode, there was a sharp pain in her head, and the entire world was spinning by the time she broke free. Of course, Quynh wouldn't break herself free on a day when the ocean was calm. She took her first breath during a raging storm and waves that threatened to pull her under again.

She refused to allow the ocean to take her.

So she swam in a direction that felt like it made sense until there was land. From there, she had to heavily lean on what she gleaned from Booker's dreams to help her figure this world out. Fortunately, people were fairly forgiving of the fact that she couldn't speak the language very well and did their best to communicate with her. The first night she slept in a bed, in a shelter for people with no homes, Quynh almost sobbed.

The sadness didn't last long, and soon she was overwhelmed by rage again. How dare Andromache and her brothers leave her down there? How dare they let her suffer like that? How dare they? There was a new one now, too, so she had two sets of eyes to go off of, but they were going to notice that she wasn't dying soon, and Quynh didn't want them to see. So she did the only logical thing; she drowned herself. The darkness of night helped hide the fact that she wasn't in the same place, and she hoped it would be enough.

It took time to track them down, and she found Booker first. He was alone and practically begging on his knees for her to hurt him. So she did, she gave him what he wanted, because he nearly got Andromache and her brother captured. Quynh remembered being tied to a table with Nicolo, being bled slowly dry with him, and how that fate was supposed to be eternal. So she hurt him the way he wanted to be hurt, and then they went looking for the others.

It was pretty easy to run into Nile casually and thus stop the dreams entirely. Now, all of their guards were down, and she was able to take her brothers captive. Quynh wanted to strangle them both; she tried to rip their hearts out, she wanted to scream at them both, she tried to hold them both so tightly and never let go, she wanted to keep them safe. Nicolo and Yusuf were hers as much as they were Andromache's, so she would make the final decision regarding their fates. Their bleeding hearts and self-sacrifice were nauseating, but the idea of not spending Andromache's final years together was worse.

Even after Nile threatened her, Quynh still wasn't sure if she could forgive her brothers, but there was still time. She thought they had time.

It turned out that they might not have as much time as they thought. Nicolo and Yusuf returned, and Andromache insisted that it was time to go out and start doing good again. Everyone seemed a little nervous about it, but they were all also aware that Andy could kill them all if they tried to treat her like she was fragile. Andromache was a warrior goddess, and it was in everyone's best interests to remember that. It was fine for three missions until someone got a lucky shot in, and suddenly, Andromache had a bullet wound to the chest.

They were all extremely unfamiliar with modern-day hospitals, but the man who found them missions did a good job of getting everything needed to make sure that Andromache was getting the best treatment.

"They aren't doing enough," Quynh spat out as they sat in a private waiting room that someone managed to get them.

"They're doing everything they can," Nile replied. Quynh was about to yell again when the phone rang, and Copley was suddenly speaking.

"I'm not saying things are going wrong, but Andy's health care proxy needs to go and make sure that the right decisions are being made for her long-term care," he said. Quynh knew what that meant; it was the person you trusted to make medical decisions for you if you couldn’t. Andromache must have made one when she became mortal. Quynh was her wife, perhaps not legally in this world but spiritually, so it had to be her. 

"Of course, I'll go right now," Quynh said as she went for the door, but Nicolo put an arm out to stop her.

"You're not Andy's proxy, Quynh; Nicky is," Copley said. Quynh saw red; she saw white. There were so many emotions she wanted to scream, and Nicolo was standing there, looking calm and collected.

"She's my wife," Quynh spat out.

"I know," Nicolo replied without breaking their eye contact. "But this paperwork was filed before we went on our first mission after Andy lost her immortality, after you rejoined us." Nicolo turned to walk out the door, and Quynh didn't even realize she was lunging for him until Yusuf pulled her back.

"None of that," he said. The door closed, and Quynh ripped her arms free and turned on him.

"Did you know about this?" she demanded, wondering how deep this betrayal went.

"No, he didn't tell me, and she didn't either. I'm assuming they were both hoping it wouldn't be relevant, but here we are," Yusuf replied, and he narrowed his eyes. "Go take a walk."

"Excuse me?" Quynh wanted to throttle both of them now.

"Go outside and cool down, and don't come back until you've got yourself under control. I'm not letting you into Andy's room until you calm the hell down." She wanted to tell Yusuf she wanted to see him try to stop her, but Booker and Nile were also in the room, and they looked like they would take his side. She wordlessly turned and stomped out into the cool night air and waited.

The sun was coming up by the time Yusuf walked outside and joined her on the sidewalk, leaning against the building. Neither of them said anything for a long time, but he didn't look devastated, so Quynh had to assume that Andromache was going to be okay.

"I get that you were angry that Andy didn't trust you enough with this, but what happened back there is why," Yusuf said. "We told her about the deal so she could spend her mortal days with you. I hope you weren't thinking for even a second that we'd keep that from her."

"It's our business, little brother, or do we not get secrets anymore, Yusuf?" Quynh asked, but he didn't even look at her.

"Nicky is the most level headed out of all of us, he reads up on what happens within the medical field every couple of decades so he more or less knows what's going on, and if there were someone I would trust to make decisions with my life when I couldn't, it would be him, and I think you would too," Yusuf continued. "You're not okay, Quynh, and you can't bring that shit to places like this, or you're going to put all of us in danger. Scenes like the one you just caused get a lot of attention, and Copley can only cover our asses so much, even more so when it's looking like we're going to be stuck here for a while as Andy heals. You doing what you did puts all of us in danger, and you know I don't react well when people willfully put Nicolo in danger."

He was staring at her now, and this was the little brother that Quynh remembered. The one that cut through legions of people if it meant getting to his lover. Yusuf would do anything to keep Nicolo safe, just as Quynh liked to think she would do anything to keep Andromache safe. They'd been captured once before, and Yusuf seemed convinced it was going to happen again.

"I'm still unacustomed to how watched we are and how quickly information can spread in the modern age," Quynh said. It wasn't an apology because she didn't know how to apologize for being heartbroken that Andromache didn't trust her, Quynh, with her mortal life.

"Booker will come get us when she can have visitors," Yusuf said and didn't move from his spot next to her. They sat in silence as the sun rose.

5. Safety

There were days when Copley was unsure what reality he was living in. When he learned about the immortals, he thought he was losing his mind. Maybe there was something in a book, a legend, or a religion, somewhere, that could justify these familiar faces and names turning up throughout history. However, once photography began capturing moments in history, they were there when you knew how to look. His wife was dying of ALS, the disease was taking her, and he was desperate for anything, so he started to look.

The next few months were not months that he was proud of. Not only did Copley lose himself in the research, but he also didn't spend as much time with her as he should have in her final days. He lost time with her in an effort to try to get more. Once those puzzle pieces slid into place, Copley put down the search and didn't leave her side until it took her. He was heartbroken, angry, and when he looked up and saw their faces, these people who got to live forever, something ugly settled into his chest. Suddenly, tracking them through time to try and find them in the present day became an obsession fueled by grief. He wanted to look one of them in the eye and demand why they got to live while she died.

To this day, Copley had no idea how Merrick found him, but before he knew it, he had the backing of a pharmaceutical company that said the right things about why they wanted to get their hands on these things. He spent too much time working on spycraft to really believe that line, but right now, he didn't care one way or another. With more funding to help him, Copley keeps looking until he finds them. From there, it doesn't take long to establish himself as a contact for these jobs they are running around doing. The first one, his only contact was with the one known as Booker.

Copley didn't quite know how to approach the idea of Booker because it became clear he didn't want to be alive anymore. Whatever he was expecting from the first immortal he was going to meet, it wasn't this bone-deep weariness. He wasn't sure what to do with it, but then Booker was selling out everyone else, Merrick was torturing people, and he was standing in his living room showing the immortals all of the ways they had touched history as the newest one put it into context in a way that he couldn't initially see. So he offered to help, and they accepted. 

Somehow, things remained busy, and figuring out how to get Andy to the hospital was not one of his favorite moments. However, they got it all cleared, even though Copley was very happy he wasn't the one who had to tell Quynh that she wasn't Andy's health proxy. It seemed like they were all going to take a break while she recovered, and he let his guard down. That was why the knock at his door didn't set off any alarms. He was not expecting to see Nicky standing in front of him, hands in his pockets, like he didn't have a care in the world. 

"Good evening, Mr. Copley, may I come in?" Nicky asked, but it didn't sound like a question. Copley stepped aside and let Nicky walk into his home, where he sat down in the living room and waited until Copley joined him. 

"What can I do for you, Nicky? Are the others here?" Copley asked. 

"No, the others are at the newest safehouse location, and I had to tell a few too many white lies to justify leaving on my own so I could get here," Nicky replied. "When you had me sign those papers for Andy, you made it sound like it wouldn't be a problem. That you were going to find jobs for us to do until the end of Andy's or your days that were relatively safe. Then she's getting emergency surgery and nearly dying."

"Are you asking or accusing me of something?" Copley said. 

"Not accusing or asking you of anything." Nicky sounded like this wasn't bothering him, that he was calm, but Copley remembered overhearing a conversation between Andy and Nile not long after Booker was banished. Nicky might be quiet, but he stayed angry much longer than any of them did, and right now Copley wondered if he was about to see what that anger looked like. The smart thing to do would be to tell him that he'd find safer jobs and it wouldn't be a problem, reassure him it wouldn't happen again, this was a fluke, no need to worry about anything.

But that would be a lie, and Copley had spent too much of his adult life lying. 

"I know what you're not asking or accusing me of," Copley said carefully. "You think I did something wrong or picked the wrong job. I know you're all worried about Andy getting hurt because she isn't healing anymore. I know you're having to face the mortality of a loved one for the first time in centuries. I cannot imagine what that must be like psychologically, but I can't promise you she'll be safe. You know Andy much better than I do, and I can assume she's not going to retire to a quiet village until old age takes her. The work you do is dangerous, it's violent, and the truth is, no matter how hard I might try, there isn't a way to do it where there isn't some sort of risk to her. All things die, and if Andy wants to meet a violent end, nothing anyone says or does is going to stop her, and I think you know that." 

Nicky didn't say anything for what felt like a very long time. At one point, Copley wasn't even sure he blinked, but he was a sniper, so being this still was yet another skill he had mastered during his very long life. 

"It seems like there were things that made it difficult to get her care. What can we do to avoid that next time?" Nicky asked. Whatever Copley thought he was going to say, it wasn't that, but it also made sense. It was a tangible acknowledgment that another hospital visit was inevitable. 

"I have some ideas."

6. Perservere

There were a lot of things happening right now that were bothering him, but Joe was doing his best not to let any of them get to him. Between Booker and Quynh returning, Andy getting hurt, and it felt like their entire lives were thrown into chaos in a way they hadn't ever experienced before. He never thought he'd look back at the years before plumbing and electricity and truly see them as better than what was happening right now. Yet here they were, going to the fifth safehouse in less than a year because they kept getting compromised, and no one knew what to do about it.

Everyone wasn't exactly handling it well either. While Joe never said anything to Nicky or Booker, he had overheard their conversation that night about fear. That fear was something they didn't even talk about that much, but everything that happened with Merrick must have brought some things to the surface. That night, as Nicky slept in his arms, Joe tried not to think about the sound of Nicky’s skull getting blown away or that vacant look in his eyes. He tried not to think about that fear too much, or his chest would cave in.

Andy was recovering, and Joe liked to think he was handling that fairly well. When they finally let Andy have more than one visitor, Nicky looked like he'd been through hell as he sat next to her in that hospital room. He always carried so much weight on his shoulders, and while Andy couldn't have trusted anyone better with her mortal health, Joe also kind of hated her a little for putting yet another burden on him. They all assumed Andy would be a terrible patient, but she listened to the doctors and took all their instructions incredibly seriously. Now that she could get hurt and there was a time limit for how long she had left, it seemed that Andy was keen to try and make it last.

"I heard you threw Quynh out of the hospital," Andy said, not long after she was officially discharged, and it was just the two of them hanging out inside. Quynh, Booker, and Nile were outside, and Nicky was on a supply run. Joe was still trying not to be offended that Nicky wanted to go alone. 

"Oh, I absolutely did," Joe replied. "And not just because she was going to take a swing at Nicky, he can defend himself, but because she was about to have a meltdown in front of a lot of security cameras. I don’t think she liked the idea that you didn’t trust her to make those decisions."

"I didn't think I'd have to cross this bridge so soon, but things have been crazy recently to say the least," Andy said. "And how about you? Are you and Nicky okay?"

That was a loaded question if there ever was one, while Nile lost her mortal life, Quynh returned from the ocean, Andy lost her immortality, and Booker sold his soul for the off chance that someone might be able to end his life. Joe and Nicky were the ones whose physical bodies were taking the beating. They were the ones that spent the extended amount of time on Kozack's table as she cut entire pieces of them away. She stood over them and threatened to send one of them to the other side of the world if Joe didn't bare his soul and tell her details about his relationship with Nicky. Quynh decided using a paralytic was the best way to kickstart a conversation, and he suffocated one too many times, and there was the lingering sense of what she might do when Andy leaves this world. Nicolo was so tense he looked like he would shatter if you touched him, while Joe wanted to sleep for a month, minimum.

"I don't know," Joe said, because Andy had done too much for both of them for him to start lying to her. She nodded like that answer didn't really surprise her too much, but she also didn't ask if he wanted to take Nicky out for another break or anything. She knew they were both aware they had only so much time left together and didn't want to waste it. 

Several days later, after he returned from the supply and made dinner, Nicky finished the dishes and walked back outside without another word. Everyone looked a little perturbed by this, but Joe wasn't about to share any of Nicky's private information with anyone if he didn't want it. Right now, as far as Joe knew, he was the only one who knew that Nicky was living on a knife-edge. Nicky was not on the porch; he wasn't even on the front lawn. He was almost a mile away by the time Joe managed to find him. He was sitting on the beach of a small lake, with only the moon and the limited light pollution around them to light the way. Joe sat down next to him and waited because Nicky wouldn't have brought them this far away if he didn't want to say something that was meant only for the two of them.

"Nicolo, I can always tell when something is really bothering you, and something is really bothering you tonight. How can I help?" Joe asked.

"We need to talk about the thing we've been avoiding for 900 years, Joe," Nicky replied without looking at him. "Andy has lost her immortality, we have no idea how long Quynh is going to be here, and we always thought they would lose it together. They didn't come into it together as we did, but also seemed like just as much two halves of a whole." He paused, and the silence of the world around them felt oppressive. "Joe, we need to talk about what happens if we don't lose our immortality at the same time."

"No," Joe said, standing up and walking several steps away. Nicky repeated his name, but Joe shook his head. "There is absolutely no reason to discuss this; it's a non-issue. You, of all people, have always said it's destiny. We were brought together by destiny, and now you want to have a conversation about what happens if we don't lose it together? This is not my Nicolo."

"Your Nicolo?" Nicky was on his feet, and while his words were a little bitter, he didn't sound angry; he sounded resigned, and that was something Joe hadn't heard in his voice for many years. "Your Nicolo can't believe in destiny while also being practical? Andy was the first of us as far as we know, and now she's going to die. What does that mean for the rest of us?" Joe turned and walked back into Nicky's space and cupped his face in Joe's hands. The circles under his eyes were worse than ever; he was so tense, and there was the fear he spoke to Booker about, only now it was present when they were standing on a quiet beach, alone and safe.

"My love," Joe whispered. "This isn't a conversation we've been avoiding; it's one we don't need to have, because I am confident that when it happens, it'll be just like when we gained our immortality. The sheer amount of coincidences that happened for us to be on the same battlefield, at the same time, fighting each other, only for the universe to bless us with a soulmate? I refuse to believe that all of that happening will be undone and we won't lose it together."

"Yusuf," and Joe never wanted to hear this tone of voice from Nicky ever again because it was destroying him. "Please, I need you to know you'd persevere, you would find a way through until we were reunited." Joe wanted to interrupt again, but shook his head. "Okay, let's say that we do lose it together, the universe blesses us with another miracle, that doesn't mean our mortal bodies will die at the same time. If we don't lose it in battle and go on to live normal lives, we have no way of knowing when something will go wrong. So I need you to tell me, I need you to promise me."

Joe felt like he'd fallen through ice into a frozen lake. Whenever he thought about losing Nicky, he thought about the moment their immortality left them, and Nicky being there one moment and gone the next. He hadn't even considered that they could become mortal together and still die at different times because that happens with even the most devoted couples.

What Nicky wanted from him sounded impossible, like something he didn't even want to consider, but it was clear that Nicky was also in the process of breaking down after many months of trying to remain stoic. They really needed a longer break from everyone, but they didn't want to spend more time away from Andy. 

"I'm not going to lie to you, Nicolo, and assure you that I would find some way to survive your death the same way I don't think you could assure me that you would find a way to survive mine," Joe said very carefully. "What I will say is that I would try." 

For a moment, Joe thought Nicky was going to have a full-blown nervous breakdown. Instead, he blinked several times, closed his eyes, and released a breath. The way his body relaxed made it seem like he'd been holding in that breath for days, weeks, months, even. Joe whispered how much he loved Nicky in the language they now spoke only to each other and stayed close. He wasn't sure when they were going to head back inside, but he was content to hold Nicky in his arms as long as it took.

7. Mediation

Everyone else was inside drinking and doing something, but Nile, for some reason, felt compelled to sit outside and wait for Nicky and Joe to return. Booker, Andy, and Quynh seemed profoundly unbothered by the way the two of them just got up and left, but Nile didn’t trust it. Nicky looked like he was about to fall apart; it was a look she had seen on so many of her fellow service members. She knew that she wasn’t the one either of them would want to speak to, but perhaps seeing that Nile noticed the fact that things weren’t okay would help.

It took several hours for the two of them to emerge from the shadows, and in all of that time, none of the others came outside. Nile wasn’t surprised; it sounded like they were very deep into the liquor, and Andy couldn’t hold her liquor the way the rest of them could. Quynh and Booker were both former and current drinking buddies, so if Andy had a drink in her hand, they would both hover, even if neither of them was going to admit it. Both Nicky and Joe looked like they were stretched too thin, but Nicky seemed a little less tense, while Joe seemed more on edge, but maybe that was the best we could all hope for, considering whatever they talked about. They weren’t holding hands, but they were walking close enough that they brushed together the entire time they walked up to Nile. 

“Hello, Nile,” Nicky said, and his voice was steady. “Did something happen? Why are you sitting out here?”

“Did they attempt to cook something? Because sometimes escaping from that is the right decision,” Joe said. 

“I haven’t seen any smoke or fire, so I’m assuming no one attempted to cook anything they shouldn’t have under the influence,” Nile replied, and they both looked a little confused. “I just thought I’d wait.” It took a moment, but she saw the moment they both realized what she meant. She had come outside to wait for them to return because she saw they were hurt; she saw something was wrong, acknowledged it, and offered support without any words. There weren’t any needed because the way Joe smiled and the way Nicky seemed to lose even more tension spoke volumes. Joe offered her a hand to help her stand up, and pulled her into a silent one-arm hug as they walked in the door. Nicky squeezed her hand briefly and started loudly asking who needed something to eat to sober up while Joe joined in on the revelry. It was enough, no words needed.