“I freeze and burn, love is bitter and sweet, my sighs are tempests and my tears are floods, I am in ecstasy and agony, I am possessed by memories of her and I am in exile from myself.” - Francesco Petrarca
It seemed like everyone was forgetting or didn’t notice just how cold it was at Alpine Lake, but Finn did. It was impossible for him to ignore. He could have slept two inches from those massive heaters in the cabins, wrapped in several layers of blankets, and he would still be cold. There wasn’t any time to talk about it, to say anything, because the Grapper was back and he was haunting Gwen like the worst kind of sleep demon. She had nothing to do with this, and if he was back, Finn was the one he should be focusing on, but that would have been too easy.
Everything about the lake was a disaster, but he wasn’t as cold right now, which was odd. Right here and now, it would make sense that he’d be cold, but he felt fine. They were trying to find three bodies in a fairly large body of water, it was the middle of the night, and then the air shifted. When Finn looked up and said that he was here, something was different, and that was the first indication that this wasn’t real. He wasn’t cold, yes, but when he looked up, the Grabber was looking right back at him from across the frozen water.
Gwen had described his appearance a little, and Finn thought he had a good idea of what he looked like, but it was so much worse. There was something disgustingly human about Albert Shaw, which made him horrific. He was doing terrible things, but he was just a man at the end of the day. A man that Finn strangled to death as a pre-teen with a phone cord, a well-placed hole, and the cheering of Albert’s previous victims. This thing in front of him didn’t look human, this didn’t look like Albert, this looked like the thing it claimed to be: a spirit that clawed its way out of hell.
Finn was almost sure this was a dream, a nightmare, because everything on the ice was playing out as he remembered, only this time he could see the spectre that haunted his nightmares. He blinked, and the Grabber was gone, but there was something around his throat, and he was being pulled backward on the sleigh. The angle was tense, and before long, gravity took over, pulling Finn to the ground. The ice hurt to hit, but his shoulder, neck, and head took the brunt of it. The world went fuzzy for a moment, and when it cleared, the Grabber was looming over him, cutting off his airway, missing half of his face and mask.
“Hello, Finney,” he said. “It’s too bad we didn’t get to do this the first time. I was still trying to figure out a way to get you to see me, but you and your sister had to ruin it.”
“This isn’t real,” Finn managed to say through his blocked airway.
“Oh? Then it won’t matter that I do this.” The Grabber jumped off of him, but as soon as Finn thought it was over, the belt looped around his neck, and he was being dragged across the ice, away from his family, away from the people trying to stop this, and none of them even noticed. “None of them noticed the first time either, you couldn’t see it, but I could. If you hadn’t found a way to kill me off or if I used my axe, you’d be dead, and none of them would even notice until it was way too late to matter.”
Finn wanted to argue, but the pressure on his windpipe was growing harder and harder to fight against. He couldn’t pull it off, but managed to put just enough space between the leather and his skin so he could breathe. Turn around, Finn thought as they continued to desperately look for the boys. Look over here and see that I need help, look at me.
None of them did, and the Grabber pulled them both around a corner so everyone was out of sight, leaving them alone. The belt became loose enough to move, but when Finn looked up, the Grabber was pointing an axe toward him.
“Stand up slowly, or I’ll gut you like a pig and strangle you with your intestines,” he said. Finn put his hands up and slowly stood up.
“If you try to touch me, I’ll scratch your face,” Finn replied, and even though he didn’t appear to have much in the way of lips, the Grabber smiled. “I sent you back to hell.”
“We’re connected, Finney, I’m a part of your life you can’t ever get rid of,” the Grabber said as he slowly began to circle Finn. “You might take drugs or drink yourself to death like your dad, but that won’t keep me away, not forever. You sent most of me back to hell, but a piece of me is inside you, like a cancer, and you can’t get rid of it, of me, ever.”
“This is just a dream,” Finn repeated.
“Is it? Are you sure? Those bruises on your neck are already turning such a pretty color, and I think everyone should see them,” the Grabber said. He reached out and touched one of the bruises, but the axe was very close and sharp, and there wasn’t anything he could do. “I’ll do you one kindness for my favorite naughty boy.”
“The only kindness I want from you is for you to go away, permanently,” Finn snapped. Apparently, that was the amount of attitude the Grabber was willing to tolerate. The punch was so fast and so hard that Finn thought he was going to get his head knocked clean off.
“Mouth off again and I’ll take this present away,” he said. “My kindness is the only one I’ll visit is you. Your father and sister couldn’t keep their noses out of our business, so they need to be punished, but I have a way to do that without a single dream.” The Grabber knelt so they were eye level. “They’re going to suffer when you give up. I might have faked what your mother did, but not you; you’re going to do to yourself what I staged for her, and that will be their punishment. For you, it’ll be the end of one road and the beginning of another.
“I’m not going to do that,” Finn wanted to sound secure, like he truly believed that wouldn’t happen, but Finn had a hard time believing himself. The Grabber didn’t say anything; he just smiled, and the next thing Finn knew, there was a slash across his throat, blood on the Grabber’s axe, and what sounded like a person drowning. He realized, belatedly, that it was him; he was the one drowning, and the Grabber stood up and watched Finn slowly bleed out and die right there on the ice, alone, because he was right and no one noticed he was gone.
+++
Finn was barely able to bite back a scream as he woke up. He knew this was the real world because he was freezing yet again, and now he was shaking, either from the cold or the nightmare. No one came in to check on him, so Finn must have done a pretty good job of keeping his screams to himself.
He stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, debating if a hot shower might help him feel better and maybe a little warmer. However, the glow from the bathroom light made Finn freeze. Right there on his neck were bruises in the shape of the belt when the Grabber tried to strangle him. None of the other injuries were present, but they were already turning an ugly purple and black. They were going to be impossible to hide.
Finn leaned heavily against the counter and took some slow, deep breaths, and tried to ignore how cold he was or the pit in his stomach that wasn’t going away.